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Girls are just bitches to me.
Can anyone identify with that line? I used to think like that. Girls would treat me really bad, despite me being the perennial nice guy. I mean, which girl would love a nice guy? You gotta be a jerk to get the chick. Right?
I remember the days when I thought girls loved money, looks, and bad boys. I encountered many of them. There were those who always talked about having me give them a treat, those who swooned over the masculine dudes who seemed like they hit the gym everyday, and those who just adored the dude who would kick your ass if you just said the wrong word to them. Hell, I even knew a girl who loved her boyfriend even though he hit her!
So it’s the girls right? There was nothing wrong with me at all. I mean, I am nothing but nice! Well, guess what? It was me!
What was wrong with me?
I could never attract a woman. The ones I managed to attract were not the ones I wanted, in terms of personality and appearance. I wanted someone smart, feisty, independent, and yet sweet. I got girls who had issues instead, girls who have the potential to suffer from depression, girls who could not think for themselves.
But here’s the problem. Being nice is one thing. Being supplicating is another. I was so nice that I was bending backwards, and compromising on what I stood for. Even when the girls were nasty, I never retaliated. I was still being sweet and explaining myself, and hoping they wouldn’t get mad at me. Needless to say, the girls sensed that I was weak, and left.
The problem with most guys these days.
Sorry dudes, if you’re reading this, and thinking that you can be weak and nice and get the chicks, forget it. You are probably in your twenties, and able to think for yourself. Observe the world out there. See the people who are getting the chicks. Look beyond all the surface communication and observe the dynamics behind.
Girls don’t want a guy who’s supplicating. Think about it. If you are not able to stand up to your chick, how can you stand up for her? It’s not about being the big brute that pushes anyone standing in his way. It’s not about cheating on girls and acting like it’s normal. It’s about being about to stand on your own two feet and be firm. Yet at the same time, that’s not enough.
The problem with most guys these days is that, they are not only just being too nice. They are too boring as well. The guys I see complaining constantly about not having girls in their lives are the ones who play video-games on a Saturday night, whose idea of hanging out is getting dinner and watching the movies, who talk to girls only on the Internet, and most importantly, who resist change.
Change.
I won’t go into how I changed my life around, or how I am constantly evolving. I think I have left enough posts lying around for people to get an inkling. The most important thing that anyone has to change is their mindset. Question your own beliefs. Are they really helping you in your dating life?
In the first paragraph, I mentioned that I used to believe girls were bitches. Did it help me? No. I found myself avoiding girls, and when I liked one, I feared investing my feelings into her for if she were to become nasty, I would be shattered. I also believed that girls wouldn’t like someone like me. And where did that get me? Nowhere. I had no dates for years. I couldn’t even assert my opinions because I already had the thought that they wouldn’t like what I wanted to say.
The question is: how does one go about changing their mindset? Take some time out and try this slowly. The next time you hold yourself back because of a belief, ask yourself how it has affected your life so far. Imagine yourself having that belief one year from now on, and see your life then. Project your life to five years later, and see what the belief has done for you in that time. See your life as it is, and ask yourself if you are happy. Then do the same thing again, except that you project your life to 20 years later. Are you happier because of that belief? Has your life changed for the better?
Now, this is just a small step in getting you to see the impact of your beliefs. The change can only come when you are willing to let your current beliefs drop, when you are willing to admit that you might have been wrong about certain things up to this point in time in your life. It is a humbling experience; have no doubts about that. But it is necessary to overcome that in order to change.
Another tool to use.
Let’s try the final exercise. You have done the previous exercise and realised the impact of your beliefs. So we have to change them. The belief that “girls are bitches” can be reframed to:
“Maybe they are being bitches so that they know who the guys who can stand up to them are”.
Similarly, the belief that “girls only want bad boys” can be reframed to:
“Bad boys have confidence, and that’s what the girls are looking for”.
A final example can be “I have to be nice to get girls to like me”. Reframe that to “if I am assertive, they would respect me more, and like me better as a result”.
While this is not the one and only tool, it will help give a new perspective on things, and shatter your old beliefs so that you can move towards removing your mental barriers to success, not just with women, but with life as well.
- CY
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