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Did you know you have the ability to read minds? Now, before you close that window and declare me a nutcase, hear me out. We can read minds. In fact, we do it everyday. Just not the way you think.
Yes, I am talking about body language. It is the most important factor in social interactions, but many people don’t even think about it. For the girls, well, you probably don’t need to. You’re at least 10 times better at reading body language than guys. Here’s why I say that:
There was one day when I was having a long break in between my classes. I went to the city with a friend of mine, and after getting our lunches, we had no place to go. I suggested to her then that we sit down and talk in the middle of the street. Somewhere in our conversation, we started talking about body language. And then we decided to people-watch.
We started looking at everyone who walked past us, and tried to find out what were their personalities from their clothes and their mannerisms. We spotted one guy, and while I was trying to break down his personality from his clothes, she started rattling off about how he’s not very conscientious about his look because his shoes were not polished, and how he’s a focused person because when he wanted to cross the road, his eyes narrowed. There were more, and I reckon she listed at least five traits, while I was still trying to think of more than one.
This happened not once, but throughout that short period of about 15 minutes, she did it at least four times. I was genuinely amazed. From hanging out with her for about three years, I know that she is a smart person. But she is also very socially flexible, and that’s why she’s able to tell me so much.
Reading Body Language.
If you’re the kind who does not pay attention to body language, and are not socially intuitive, then it’s time to start doing so. It will help your interaction so much, and in many instances, it provides for a good conversation.
I remember I was at a bar earlier this year, and my friend had begun a conversation with this girl (let’s call her M). M had her drink in front of her, and was holding it with both hands. Her body was slightly bent backwards, even though my friend was not even leaning in.
Later, my friend left to talk to someone else, and I started talking to M. I told her that she seemed reserved earlier when she was talking to my friend, and then broke down her body language and explained it to her. She agreed with me. We talked even more, and after some flirting, we had our hands on each other’s waist. I forgot what it was, but I had to take my hands away a moment later. She left hers on my waist. (Unfortunately for you voyeurs, that’s the end of my story. Hah!)
What is my point? The signs that she was interested in me were all there. This is especially crucial, because sometimes, guys can be really creepy to the people around them without knowing it.
Why do I say that? I was at Orchard once, walking to the bus stop after a movie with a couple of my friends. There was this guy approaching people on the streets. He came up to me and started began a pushy campaign to get me to go for a photo-shoot. I took a step back to gain some comfort-zone space. When I did that, he took a step closer, thus closing the space I opened. I was uncomfortable. He was leaning forward, and was talking really fast. I had a vibe then that he wouldn’t do well in sales.
Some tips.
Let’s move on to some tips for the utterly clueless.
It would do you good to pick up a book on body language if you are one of the above mentioned, but otherwise, if you wish to save the dough, just people-watch and learn.
- Most people walk without thinking about their posture. In fact, your walk says a lot about you. Picture a guy who hunches his shoulders, seems fidgety, and speaks softly all the time. Can you imagine him being sociable?
- Draw your chest out. Your shoulders will move accordingly. This will ensure your shoulders remain relaxed. I have a friend whose shoulders seem perpetually stiff. It makes his frame look unnatural. Of course, do not forget to draw your stomach in.
- When you are talking to people, remember not to lean forward unless you want to make a point. In fact, lean backwards. Be relaxed. Ensure that the people around you get the comfort space they need. This is very essential if you want to make someone feel comfortable.
- Look into the eyes of the person you are talking. Don’t stare. If you are afraid of doing it wrongly, try alternating your gaze between the person’s left and right eyes. Do that at a comfortable pace.
- Most importantly, and I have mentioned this before, smile. A smile communicates friendliness. It helps brings a person’s defence down. Just don’t keep smiling. It will weird people out after a while!
- CY
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