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In this post, I will be talking about the universal traits that attract women. For those who missed the first post, read about what is unattractive first.

So… what is attractive then? There are some universal traits which many people will have heard about. Women are always talking about confidence being sexy. But how do you get confidence? Now, confidence alone can cover a post, but I shall try to keep it short.

True confidence comes from within. It is not affected by external factors. While it is true that you can gain true confidence over time by getting external validation, thus validating yourself, it is a process that takes much longer than directly seeing and accepting your own value.

A friend of mine and I had a discussion about this before, and he said that he lacked confidence because he didn’t have money, women in his life, and he did not feel like he was good-looking enough for women to want him. I threw a question at him, asking if he would be confident if he had money, women, and good looks, and he said yes. But what if it’s all gone again? You might question that anyone who lost everything will definitely lose confidence. That’s true, but real confidence comes from understanding that he/she can gain back whatever was lost. True confidence shows in resilience, in positivism, in enthusiasm about life.

A buddy of mine has $2 in his bank account. He is only a student at this moment, but he’s finding ways to make money. His target for last month was to make $2,000, but that didn’t come to fruition. He raised the target for this month to $4,000. To him, it’s a challenge, and he gladly accepts it. He is motivated by that challenge. His vibe, positivism, and enthusiasm for life can be clearly felt just by hanging out with him. If he feels low, he recovers really fast and goes again. That is confidence. And how did he cultivate it? He attributes it to the self improvement books he has been reading since 16.

Of course, for those who did not cultivate that mindset since young, there are other ways of getting there. In my journey, I have noticed that doing a couple of things help. In my current business, it is necessary for me to push past my own personal boundaries. I was a very passive person in the past, but being in the sales line, I had to be more aggressive. I had to get out of my comfort zone to deal with people’s objections, and sometimes hit someone really hard by showing them the fallacies in their logic. I also had to talk to tons of people, even strangers. In the past, I would be really uncomfortable with that, but these days, I see it as an opportunity to learn more about people, and to socialise. In fact, I love doing it.

What I would like to mention next has to do with my final post in this series on attraction. So, before I go on about how to gain more confidence, I would like to concentrate on the other universal traits.

Humour and wit are other good traits to have. I don’t know of any guy who cannot attract women into his life by making them laugh. In fact, you can make a woman fall in love with you just by making her laugh. It is not just a social mechanism, but it subcommunicates that you know how to appreciate life and not take it seriously. Wit on the other hand, shows that you are flexible, quick on your feet and able to adapt. If you are a woman, will you go for someone who’s stilted and stiff, or someone who’s able to adapt to his environment quickly?

Looks are important too, but probably not in the way you think. It is about presenting yourself well, having social etiquette, looking good rather than being handsome. I remembered the first time I went into a club at the age of 19. I was wearing a t-shirt, cargo pants, and carrying a bag. In fact, that was the attire wherever I went. What was in my bag? A CD player, and possibly a book. Nothing more. I had nerdy glasses, and I didn’t even bother to style my hair. Did girls look at me once? Hell no.

That is not to say that my entire outfit was bad. A t-shirt and cargo pants is presentable, but my body size was just not suitable for that. Find shirts that suit your size, not something that is one-size larger or smaller. Get some jeans. Match your outfits. Bring out a style that’s you. We all get a first impression of people from their dressing. A hip-hop guy wouldn’t dress like an aristocrat. Likewise, an artist dresses differently. Find something that suits your personality and play around with that. I still recall the first time I decided to dress up well. My friend helped me choose a simple outfit – a pair of jeans with designs on it, a smart and sharp looking black collar-shirt, and a wristband. That was it. I was getting attention when I got out of that store. As for my nerdy glasses, I don’t even know where they are now.

Intelligence is another big thing. I am guessing you are thinking that that means geeky or nerdy guys get girls a lot. But I am not just talking about logical intelligence. Instead, it is more about social and emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, intelligence is nothing without other attributes, like confidence. Being socially intelligent implies that you get along well with others. It relates back to being able to survive well, since humans are pack animals. Being emotionally intelligent means that you can relate to a girl’s feelings, and that’s very important because it is all about the chemistry and the connection. What about logical intelligence? Oh it is big too. It means that you can find ways to overcome obstacles, which relates back to adapting to different environments. In scientific studies, it is shown to correlate with health.

Finally, some of the other attractive traits include being daring, being brave (which relates back to confidence), being a leader rather than a follower, and being adventurous. Just observe sporty people. They tend to attract women into their lives. They seem to have a healthy glow to them that makes them more alive, more cheerful, and more enthusiastic about life.

The final post will be looking at the overlooked attributes that can help men to attract women into lives.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 15th, 2008 at 6:27 am and is filed under Dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.